Modern Sangoma,
affectionately known as Glamdlozi. spoke to our Editor, Gugu Mhlongo on her struggle with infertility as a married woman in a traditional society. Glamdlozi, now has a six months old son, however, she has previously suffered a number of miscarriages as a result of her infertility issues.
As black women, we live in a society, where after marriage you are made to feel pressured to have children.
As women, our bodies are different and not all women are able to take in pregnancy right after trying out for a baby.
A lot of women also experience countless
miscarriages which can, in the end, cause scarring in the uterus and affect their chances of ever having children. A study, conducted by, Verywell Family, found that women who experience miscarriages overtime can become infertile due to the scarring of tissues in the uterus.
O: Gogo, please talk to us in detail about your infertility issues, marriage and eventually having your son.
A: I am Kwenzekile MaMngoma, married to Mlungisi Bhengu. Our marital home is in Greytown, Matimatolo in KZN. However, I| am from Inanda in Durban. I| am the last born of four children and I am the only child of my parents that is remaining. My siblings are all deceased. I was born with the calling to become a Sanoma, which was passed down to me from my mum, who couldn’t take up her calling due to financial constraints.
Later on in my life, I met someone, who in a space of four months paid my full bride price. We lived to together for a few months until he broke up with me, complaining to my family that I was barren and he wouldn’t marry an,
‘inyumba’. A derogatory IsiZulu term used to humiliate a woman struggling with infertility. It was not long after my return home that I then heeded my calling.
I now understand that my ancestors did not want me to have a child out of wedlock or in an environment or with someone who was not meant for me. Years later on, I then met my now husband, Mlungisi Bhengu. When we met, ‘MIu’, already had a daughter who now lives with us fulltime. My relationship with her is one of a mother and daughter who love each other. She also respects me and treats me like her mother.
My husband and I got married in the year 2021, I was still struggling with infertility, even though he and his family never once pressured me to having a baby. We were also still in our honeymoon phase, so my husband thought it was a bit early. I remembered, the hurt and humiliation I faced with my former fiance. I remembered going to see fertility specialists and being told that I have cancer of the womb and that I needed to remove my womb to stop the cancer from spreading. I even got a letter from my doctor to go to Addington Hospital to get my womb removed. I sat on that bench, and something told me to get up and leave. On that day I almost made the biggest mistake of my life without even consulting my ancestors who were the main reason for my infertility problem
From the year 2021, I remained positive that one day I’d have children of my even though I was told it wouldn’t be possible and I was given options such as adoption and surrogacy.
Q: Gogo, tell us about the incident with another healer not too long after you got married. Where you were being bullied for your infertility due to a misunderstanding
A: I had a misunderstanding with a fellow healer in the year
- The healer and their friends took to Social Media, bullying me, calling me names like, inyumba’ and saying that I was infertile because of a money ritual known as ‘ukuthwala’ that people use to get rich. They said that, that was my cause for infertility.
Q: Gogo, how did this trigger or affect you, your work as a Sangoma or your family?
A: This incidents really affected me, I remember my husband begging me not to retaliate. I was so broken and torn by this. This bullying went on for months and it even went international. I was completely humiliated and these were fellow women, a majority of them. I think the bullying was a result of jealousy.
Q: So Gogo, you get bullied online and made a complete mockery out of because of your infertility issues at the time. Which was then made an international matter. What then becomes your next move?
A: I remember, it was a Sunday. I went home to my mothers house in Inanda. I got into my rondoval, after cleaning it up. I just started speaking to my ancestors. didn’t even kneel, I just spoke to them whilst standing. asked they why it is that they would bless me with a marriage but not children.
Especially knowing that children are an important part of our marriage as traditional people. I told them of the humiliation I had been suffering. I even threatened them, saying I would stop working as a Sangoma or they can take my life as I had nothing to live for. I even told them that all of their money is not worth it if I don’t have a child.
\also spoke to my mum, who also decided that enough was enough. She performed a ritual for me using a goat where she told my ancestors that I was now married and asked them to bless me with children in my marriage.
Q: Were you not scared Gogo, of speaking to your ancestors in such a manner?
A: I was left with not much of an option. Speaking to your ancestors in such a manner is known as, ‘ ukuthetha Idlozi.
We speak to our ancestors in such a manner and tone that makes them feel that we have
had enough of a situation that we feel that they can easily take control of.
Q: What then happened after
‘ukuthetha Idlozi’ and the ritual your mum performed for you?
A: Believe me when I say that it was only a matter of three months after all of this and seeing my fertility specialist, Dr. Coetzee at Vita Lab. I then found out that I was pregnant.
I did a home pregnancy test, every-so-often just to confirm my pregnancy. I did not have any morning sicknesses or swelling of my body. In fact people could only tell that I was pregnant after I reached five months of pregnancy.
My gynecologist was Doctor Berios at Umhlanga in Durban.
I delivered a healthy baby boy.
During my pregnancy I made sure to take my Folic Acids.
Q: What is your advice to women battling with infertility
A: if you are a Sangoma, never make the mistake of not including your ancestors in every step. Even when going to see a specialist.