While it’s lovely to keep a wide circle of friends as it ensures you always have company, people to talk to and to socialise with. It is equally important to regularly evaluate the company you keep. As the saying goes, “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” Some people only hang around as closely to you only to serve as ‘monitoring spirits’. The more you share with them, the more wrong you experience in your life. Knock-knock,it’s time to check your circle! The year is 2025, and you have so many plans ahead. Plans to improve your life, to upgrade and to do bigger and better. Who better to share your plans with than your dear friends, right? Wrong! Although it’s great to share your plans and you just can’t contain the excitement of your plans for the year ahead. My advice is that you do a thorough friend circle evaluation before you ‘spill’ the good news.
You may be asking yourself, what is this fuss about ‘evaluating’ and ‘checking’ a friend circle. Well, the people around us have a great impact on our lives. This includes our mental health, physical health and overall well-being. Personally, I’ve had to excuse myself from a very good circle of friends. At the time I wasn’t in good standing financially and my business was taking a knock around Covid times. I felt that I was not able to participate in our usual activities, going on girl dates and trips. My mental health took a hit as I was starting to feel the pressure of not being able to meet up with our circles’ standards. Dressing in expensive labels, driving the latest cars, eating out regularly, traveling often. It made me seem as if I was the friend who was not really putting in any effort. The truth was that I really wasn’t coping. Although these were amazing friends, I had to accept the reality that even though my friends loved me and appreciated me. I was putting unnecessary strain on our bond. I stepped back. Today, we’re all doing quite good for ourselves even though we might not be in contact.
Mentally, I told myself that I was behind in life. I rated myself against my friends rather than my own life’s path and this led me deeper into my depression. I know of people who have shared mortifying stories of close friends who ‘did them wrong’. Ranging from dating their partners behind their backs. Sabotaging their projects or plans. Scheming against them along with their enemies. Even going as far as being physically attacked all because of jealousy. I recently read an article by, Pervin Shaikh [Audit Your Circle: Surround yourself with Positivity and Growth; Dec 7, 2023]. What captured me the most in this article is where, Pervin says, “evaluating the individuals we allow into our closest social sphere and being mindful of their impact on our well-being and personal growth.” “Our inner circle consists of those individuals with whom we share our deepest thoughts, dreams, and emotions.” This took me right back to my circle of friends and how the standards of our circle impacted me. However, today I look at things differently now that I am looking at the circle from the outside.
I’ve evolved and all these years have given me the opportunity to developinto the best version of me and to find who I truly am. Not a lot of people can do this. Many, reflect on the horrifying experiences at the hands of a ‘close’ friend. I must state though, that it doesn’t have to be from a dramatic experience with a friend that you realise that they actually don’t have your best interest at heart. Here’s a tail tale list of signs that your friend might be fake. Bear in mind, sometimes friends pull back because they are going through a lot. Not everyone is brave enough to open up and ask for help. So before you make the decision to ‘axe’ a friend, make sure you’re not leaving them at their time of need. Reach out and find out the real problem, why they are acting differently or seem as if they’ve withdrawn from your ‘pact’. The typical signs of a fake friend:They never congratulate you, or always change the subject and rather focus on themselves whenever you have good news to share. They seem to be always prying, wanting to know more than you’re willing to share. It seems you always jinks your plans whenever you share them with this actually don’t have your best interest at heart. Here’s a tail tale list of signs.
that your friend might be fake. Bear in mind, sometimes friends pull back because they are going through a lot. Not everyone is brave enough to open up and ask for help. So before you make the decision to ‘axe’ a friend, make sure you’re not leaving them at their time of need. Reach out and find out the real problem, why they are acting differently or seem as if they’ve withdrawn from your ‘pact’. The typical signs of a fake friend: They never congratulate you, or always change the subject and rather focus on themselves whenever you have good news to share. They seem to be always prying, wanting to know more than you’re willing to share. It seems you always jinks your plans whenever you share them with this friend. They joke about your shortcomings around people. They almost always force you into taking their advice or doing things their way. Whatever you tell them in confidence, always comes into public knowledge. They come to your home or place of business even when you’re not around – often to gossip about you. Write to us on, editor@idlozimagazine.co.za to share your experiences with a friend. Good or bad. You may also write to us for future article requests.